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Being a lover of literature and poetry, I find books to be a poignant adjunct to any psycho-therapeutic treatment.

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I offer you a window into the way the book has impacted upon me and the work I do.When it came to dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity, Dan Rochkind had no problem snagging the city’s most beautiful women.“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper East Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair.Give up on your “attractions of deprivation.” It’s easy to become attracted to people who can commit — who treat us wonderfully then demean or ignore us.These attractions spring from early feelings of inadequacy, usually in relation to our parents. When we reach this stage, a dead-end era of our dating lives draws to a close, and we can begin the real work of intimacy: cultivating our attraction to relationships that feed and nurture us. Cultivate your “attractions of inspiration.” As we lose our taste for attractions of deprivation and start to change our behavior, we usually experience a temporary void in our dating life.The men who were judged to be the best-looking had higher rates of divorce.Looking to avoid such a fate, Rochkind started dating a woman who isn’t a bikini model, Carly Spindel, in January 2015. The two met after Spindel’s mother, matchmaker Janis Spindel, scouted Rochkind at a gym.“Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation.” According to new research, Rochkind’s ideas about sexy bikini babes are correct.A multipart study from Harvard University, University of La Verne and Santa Clara University researchers found that beautiful people are more likely to be involved in unstable relationships.But much of that is the unnecessary byproduct of how we’ve been conditioned to approach our dating life. We’ve been handed a defective map of the path to love! What are single people constantly encouraged to do? We’ve all heard some version of these ideas before. It’s based upon revealing who we really are and then choosing people in their late 40s, 50s and older because at this stage of life, we are much less willing to waste our time in the pursuit of unhealthy relationships.

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